How to Join a Peaceful Demonstration
Got a cause to march for? Here are four tips to make it a worthwhile picket
By Chris Chew
Rallies have become such an in thing this year. Across the globe, repressed societies have discovered that by gathering en masse at a single location, and reciting a predefined set of slogans for a predefined length of time, change is imminently possible.
Or at least, the illusion of change is. Governments and institutions worldwide have proven time and time again that no din of discord is loud enough to deter them from carrying on their agendas. And in Malaysia, things aren’t all that different. The fear of spending an undetermined amount of time in a top-secret ISA detention centre in Kamunting, or worse still, in a cramped lock-up with that illegal immigrant mistaking you for his wife, is reason enough for the moderate democracy believer to stay at home.
Yet who wants to stay at home when all the action is happening outside? If cats can have the freedom to inform the whole neighbourhood that they want some kinky romance (at 2am no less), why can’t members of a civilised society take a peaceful stroll together to make a logical point, for something as relevant as the need for fair elections? There must be ways to hold hands with new friends while singing catchy slogans, without getting caught.
Or at least we think there are. So here are some tips to get your picketing off on the right foot. Blessed are the prepared, for they shall wave a banner.
1. Plan the journey
Depending on who you listen to, last weekend’s Bersih demonstration in the heart of Kuala Lumpur was either attended by 4,000 people, or 60,000. Big numbers either way, but what was significantly less quantifiable was the number of people who did not make it there on time. Citywide and interstate roadblocks led to massive traffic jams all over; innocent Saturday shoppers surely picked the wrong day to shop.
How could all that have been avoided? Simply by putting a few additional minutes of thought into plotting the journey. No one magically teleports from their comfy couches into the thick of a flag-waving crowd, so days earlier, plot the voyage towards the announced location. Carpool if possible, or better still, take public transport. That way, you reduce your greenhouse gas emissions while simultaneously picketing for justice. Even the polar bears can benefit from your vision of revolution.
Also, take a look at the map of the site. Better yet, have Google Maps installed in your brain. When you see gun-toting officers blocking the entry point leading to your destination, you need to think fast. Suddenly turning around would be suspicious; trying to act cool while going through the police screening in your Yellow Man suit and activist banner would be um, challenging. So it’s best to train your eyes for potential bottlenecks, and to remember all exits, shortcuts and alternative routes. (Since you’re at it, noting down the nearest clean public toilets—if there are any—might be useful as well.)
2. Dress to protest
Imagine Al-Jazeera’s Hamish McDonald walking around, looking for potential interviewees for a quick vox pop. His glance passes your way, and you bat your eyes at him in hope that he’ll bat back. And… he doesn’t, for the last thing ol’ Hamish wants is a daggy, sloppy, rain-soaked Joe mumbling incoherent gibberish to his scholarly viewership.
Indeed, he who protests best is he who dresses for success. Shun the slippers, and strap on the Nikes (or steel-toed boots if you’re afraid people will stomp on your toes). Go for airy t-shirts. Want to throw in a pinch of pizzazz? Lengthen those eyelashes, and shop around for a sub-decent bandana (Versace has some floral ones going for US$86). Make sure that the only protesting being done is outward, not inward by your suppressed fashionista.
But what if someone decides spraying tear gas or water cannons would be a good joke? As we said, it’s best to come prepared expecting the worst. Hence, while you could do the in thing and accessorise with a matching umbrella, shades or pepper spray, we still think the best safety gear you could don on is a scuba diving suit (oxygen tank and mask included). Oh, and a bag of salt (available on request from McDonald’s) to help with the tear gas.
3. Know your neighbours
Contrary to those immortalised images that portray protesters as scabbard-wielding thugs, people at protest rallies tend to be friendlier than they normally would be if, say, you met them at a supermarket. As such, finding a common topic to talk about could hardly be easier. So behold, here’s your chance to make new friends! Political reformation might not come so quickly, but your Saturday night plans can.
Getting to know the people around you works especially well when it comes to sniffing out the troublemakers planted there by nervy authorities. If the stranger you’re attempting to strike a conversation with isn’t exactly striking back with equal chummyness, chances are that he or she is just there to cause trouble. In which case, the bag of salt you packed comes in mightily handy.
4. Prepare some protest statements
Frankly, “Democracy! Democracy!” is archaic, and “1, 2, 3, 4, we don’t want your silly war!” is getting to be quite a bore. Even Burmese monks and Pakistani lawyers know how to say those. No; what you need at a protest rally are some sharp-edged quips that are sure to get the crowd buzzing to your beat. Here are three to start you out, but a quick viewing of Bring It On should arm you with more chantable chants:
“Freedom! Freedom! You just can’t defeat ‘em!”
“Brrr! It’s cold in here! There’s something democratising in the atmosphere!”
“Fight for the light in the night, alright!”
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A final word of advice: don’t be the Che Guevara you’re not. Standing at the front of the line might get your scowling mug onto BBC, but it might also get it stuffed with any number of rounds of tear gas, water cannons or bullets—rubber or otherwise.
But beyond that, good protesting takes work, and heading out with a bit of foreknowledge doesn’t hurt. Lap up these tips, and you’re well on your way towards becoming the model protester. Rebels without a cause might get to ride the Harleys and don the tight tees, but rebels with one, and a bunch of tips to go along with it, get to make full use of those few hours of hollering.